zoomed in

when im holding him up a little higher than my head and he's squirming

but i'm relentless in my big noisy mom hug

holding him under his armpits 

close enough to bite his chin and kiss his cheeks

i kiss him and squeeze him and tell him, you are my honey boy

i am one big smile

and the sun and the avocado tree are behind him

standing just inside his door to the yard

he's so big now but still LITTLE

and when i hold him like this 

under his armpits

one big smile

so close that his face is blurred

zoomed in – 

i panic that i'll forget what this looks like