thoughts on november 6, 2024

his win makes me feel small and powerless and outraged
like all the misogynists are laughing at us, kicking us in the stomach, and at the same time, not even noticing we exist

so
today

i'm 
taking the kids out for ice cream
slathering them in love like a thick layer of frosting
reading a hundred books, hugging them so hard their shoulders ache
running into the sea holding hands

making a list of my life's victories
with a paper and pen
flipping through rolls of film colored with my life's joys

radically, recklessly, brazenly trusting in jesus christ
repeating his mantra 
"inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these, ye have done it unto me"
(in which case, mr. trump, my deepest condolences for your soul)

baking bread, delivering it to the neighbors
painting flowers and dogs and sunsets

standing sentinel between the internet and my neurons
running stadiums until i can't see straight

and in between, when i fall short of this silly list, 

i will keep hating mr. trump 

because hating him means i hate violence and misogyny and cruelty and racism and dishonesty and manipulation and opulence and anger and rape and greed and idiocy and narcissism and hate itself. 

and hating hate
hating him
is my victory today





acting in faith: a sacrament talk about bread

This is a talk I gave in the Manhattan Beach Ward sacrament meeting in August 2024. 

Today my talk is on acting in faith.

Like I say every time I come up here to give a talk, I have struggled with my faith throughout my adult life. I've struggled with pretty much every church-related topic you can think of. At times, I have wondered if God loves me or notices me. Before I go any farther, I should tell you, I don't have any major revelations to share with you today, but I will say that writing this talk has helped me feel a little closer to God, so I'm grateful for that.

Earlier this year, I was having a hard time with the sacrament. We have been taught by our loving leaders the importance of thoughtfully and prayerfully partaking of the sacrament each week. President Nelson said of the sacrament,

"We personally ponder the Atonement of Jesus Christ," said President Nelson. "We reflect upon the significance of His suffering at Gethsemane and His Crucifixion on Calvary. At this time, each of us is to 'examine themselves' and reflect upon personal covenants made with the Lord. At this time, we meditate upon the sacred things of God."

It won't surprise you to learn that my primary focus during sacrament in the Manhattan Beach ward is keeping my kids quiet. Despite the numerous activities and snacks we haul up to our bench every Sunday, and the reverent vibes we try to cultivate on Sunday mornings, it's rarely a meditative or reflective experience for me. I have found myself feeling a bit frustrated and even hurt at times when I think about how important it is to take the time during the sacrament to connect with God. That never happens for me, and it has often felt like I was getting this important thing wrong.

So one day I was listening to a wise woman talking about baking a cake for her child. She asked her little boy what kind of birthday cake he wanted and he said "orange." So she got to work finding a recipe and found one for this beautiful cake with orange zest and candied orange peel and everything and she was so engulfed in love for her child and the creativity and time and attention that this cake required of her, that it became so much more than just a birthday cake, it was this offering that had almost become sacred in a way, because of how she put her SELF into it. I had never thought about a birthday cake like that.

An offering.

Then just a few days later, Heidi Snyder asked our Sunday school class to think about our reasons for coming to church, participating in this religion and our ordinances and covenants, and thinking about what we have to offer here.

Again that word offering.

Then, while I was practicing the organ, I read the words in one of my favorite sacrament hymns, O God the Eternal Father, "that sacred holy offering, by man least understood."

Offering. The third time.

So I felt like I was kind of supposed to pick up on something here. An offering. What could I offer? Do I have anything to offer? Can I offer God something better? What could that even look like? How do I give God anything?

So then I kind of got an idea.

I decided to try something I'd never done before.

I decided to bake some bread.

I am not really much of a baker. But, at this point I was kind of grumpy and feeling like, Hello, God, it's me Alex, ever heard of me? Can I get your attention somehow? I'm a little desperate? So I said, what the heck, maybe baking our ward's sacrament bread will somehow help me feel more connected to God during the sacrament.

And it did.

I can't explain exactly why. It's not because I'm doing something marvelous or valiant or important. My theory is that it's because I'm doing something. I'm not just sitting there thinking and overthinking. I'm doing. My wise friend Sue Paullin has taught me the importance of keeping one's hands busy, especially in hard times. And many of you have probably heard the famous Linda O'Brien quote about how God gave us ten commandments and a brain.

So in a ramshackle attempt to put these wise women's advice to work and follow three tiny promptings, I have found myself in my kitchen each week, following simple steps to a simple recipe. It's so simple I've almost memorized it. Yeast, water. A few minutes then a bit of salt, sugar, and butter. Last of all, flour. When my first timer goes off, I move the dough to a bowl for a rest, I watch for it to double in size beneath a cotton towel, then divide it into my cast iron pans and let it rise again. Before long, magically, three little loaves come out of the oven, two destined for school lunches and one for worship.

Last night, as I was mixing the dough, my mind was unusually quiet. I pictured Jesus offering bread to His friends, teaching them to remember Him, to take himself upon them, for soon He would die.

"And as they were eating, Jesus took bread and brake it, and blessed it, and gave to his disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is in remembrance of my body which I give a ransom for you."

I thought of the nameless woman who baked that bread and brought it to the Lord that night. I thought about walking into this room and handing my imperfect loaf of bread over to the smiling young men who kneel at this table and bless the bread and water and sanctify it. I thought of so many ways I wish I had been a more sanctified person this week, and I had a tiny moment of resolve to be better this week.

After four months of baking sacrament bread, I realized: I just had that moment of reflection and meditation President Nelson talked about. I was barefoot in my kitchen on a Saturday night, but the moment still came. I was filled with peace and relief. It will be a memory I come back to each Sunday while I bargain and plead with my chatty kids to be reverent during the sacrament.

I want to be clear — I am not suggesting that everyone here start baking bread. I mean, you can if you want to. But the point is, do something. Try something you don't usually do. Try something that makes you feel calm and confident. Offer it to God, with faith that He will make something happen for you.

I'd like to read this quote found in a talk shared by President Carter, given to a group of BYU students:

"I plead with you to know who you are, and what your real purpose is. I pray that you will fervently seek the help of God to change. Stop trying to do it by yourself! Don't wait to feel motivated. Get moving! There is hope. There is no need to inject yourselves with shame or discouragement. Go at a reasonable pace, seeking to be steady and determined. And above all, never give up. I challenge you to consult with our Father in Heaven tonight, and to begin work on something that has held you back for too long. You can do this. I testify that there is a loving Father in Heaven who will help us. Change may not happen overnight, but I testify that it can happen."

This week I had this topic of acting in faith in my mind when we read the story of the 2,000 young men who went to war to save their homeland. This one line stood out to me. Alma 56:47 says, "Now never had they fought." The Ammonites were faced with a dire situation — either break their peace covenant, or die. They didn't know what to do. But they did SOMETHING. They sent their boys. They believed that if they acted in faith, something would work. "Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them."

"When Helaman and his young warriors faced daunting challenges, Helaman was resolute. 'Behold, it mattereth not—we trust God will deliver us.' In one instance, when they were on the verge of starving to death, their response was to 'pour out [their] souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen [them] and deliver [them]; … [and] the Lord … did visit [them] with assurances that he would deliver [them]' 'because of their exceeding faith in that which they had been taught to believe.'"

Their parents came with food and provisions and support and encouragement. Each member of their community was doing something. When they could have just kept hoping, talking about it, crossing their fingers, and maybe even praying, the real miracle came when they acted. They went forward.

Most likely, the answer to your personal faith crisis won't be to go to war or bake bread. But it might be equally unexpected, and I would encourage you to go exploring and discover what new thing you can do, believing it will deepen your faith and bring you closer to God. Even if you only get a couple of inches closer, like me, it's worth it. I believe God cares about us. I believe we can find that connection if we seek it, especially if we seek God by loving His children. There are so many things I don't know, but one thing I do know is that change and growth and new life and beauty and second chances and fresh starts are real. They're real because of Jesus Christ and His promises.

I pray that my children, despite my millions of shortcomings, will one day be able to say with faith of their own, "We did not doubt our mothers knew it."

lake powell // aug 2024


Lake Powell 2024. 
Mick's first! 
No sunburns!
So much candy!
An unforgettable week. 

Kodak Gold 200 film and Kodak Portra 160 film through my Canon EOS 3, 35mm 1.4L lens

Lots more photos after the jump:

catalina island // july 2024



For Eleanor's 10th birthday, Nate and I took her on a solo trip to Catalina Island. We had the time of our lives in the marvelous little town of Avalon. Movie night, ice cream cones, a semi-submarine tour, and even choosing her own oyster with a real pearl inside. Grand finale: parasailing — and yes, I brought my film camera 800 feet up. Photos right this way!

Three things to help with your newsletter

This post first appeared as an email to fellow newsletter nerds. Comment your email below if you'd like to join these monthly advice emails. 

June 29, 2024

Micro newsletter because the 4 children get all of my creative energy in summer! 

If you'd prefer not to get these monthly emails anymore, kindly reply to this email with the word "unsubscribe." 
- - - 

Hi, creative women with newsletter questions! 

Three things. 

[More below:]

sarah's motherhood tips

 

Mothering advice: 

 ~ Once, when my girls were 5 months and 18 months old (and, needless to say, I was barely keeping my head above water) my mom told me simply: “Raising a child is like digging the Grand Canyon.” Those words sank deep that day, and they’ve echoed in my heart ever since. The Grand Canyon— so vast and such a wonder— felt like a very apt analogy indeed. One shovelful at a time. One push on the swing, story told, dinner served, worry calmed at a time. (Keeping the Grand Canyon in mind helps when both overwhelm and/or monotony set in.)

~ Kids aren’t programmed to hurry; developmentally speaking, they have limited understanding/capacity for rushing. Honoring this reality helps quell my frustration when they don’t keep up with me. I remind myself “My kid isn’t dawdling, they’re just taking things at a kid’s pace.” (This can feel painfully slow compared to our adult rhythms, but it’s not their fault). For people always running late (ahem, yours truly) it’s helpful to reframe and instead of trying to change my child’s behavior — “hurry up!” — I try to change my own (ie start getting ready 15 minutes sooner than I think I need to). 

~ Wash hands a ton. Every time you come home from an outing: School, the park, church, the grocery store; plus after going to the bathroom. It’s tedious to hoist a little one to the sink, but if you start young they will develop the habit and do it themselves from a young age. 

~ My sister changed my life when she said in a casual conversation, “well, raising your kids is your number one job.” She was saying it to help me not worry about dropping the ball on one of my other responsibilities, but it struck me as a fundamental truth and it has shaped my priorities, attitude, and behavior ever since. I worry less about how much we’re getting done and more about how well I am mothering them through the task at hand. Getting the dishwasher emptied isn’t the priority, helping my child develop work ethic (and maintaining a peaceful relationship with her in the process) is. Again, I think about this quote every. single. day. and it shapes my parenting in a major way. 

~Read!!!!!!!!!!!!! Read read read read read to your kids. Don't worry about getting them to learn how to read, just focus on cultivating their love of reading with stories of all kinds. There are books and blogs and podcasts bursting with reasons why reading is so massively valuable and nourishing, so I won't get into it here. Just do it! (Also, the public library system is one of America's top 10 best features, don't sleep on it!) 

~One of THE BEST, most succinct pieces of parenting advice that I apply literally every day is, again, from my mom. “Parenting is the art of distraction.” So much of dealing with tough emotions (fear, disappointment, anger, physical pain, etc) can be handled swiftly and effectively by redirecting their attention to something that makes the happy, curious, excited, and/ or soothed. (Tip: Preemptively distracting away from things that will lead to meltdowns is just as good if not better than distraction as a remedy!)


Newsletter advice

This post first appeared as an email to fellow newsletter nerds. Comment your email below if you'd like to join these monthly advice emails. 

May 23, 2024

I stole these ideas and so should you!

If you'd prefer not to get these monthly emails anymore, reply to this email with the word "unsubscribe." 
- - - 

Hi! 

It's Alex the Newsletter Helper (new title I just gave myself) with newsletter advice for May. 

If this is your first one, here are the past two editions:
What you'll find in this email:
  • How a recent clarity call went
  • Ideas you can steal to improve your newsletter
  • I'd like your advice
[More below:]

After the Roundtable: thoughts for April

This post first appeared as an email to the Alt Summit 2024 attendees who came to my roundtable talk on Demystifying Newsletters. 

April 12, 2024

Hi everyone!


Hope it's okay if I email you again. I've been thinking about you! 

Finding a place for all that wonderful creative energy after Alt Summit is kinda tricky! Don't feel bad if you're still trying to incorporate your takeaways – I think we're all in the same boat. Maybe you don't even remember me and my Roundtable talk, haha. Here I am if you forgot! 

Since Alt Summit, I've seen some real newsletter progress from you guys.
- Katie from Brie and Banquet and I chatted on the phone (thanks Katie!)
- I subscribed to Jen's good-for-the-planet newsletter Stepping Stones, it's so great.
- Lots of positive email conversations about naming newsletters, affiliate links, and different email service providers. 

If you'd like to chat on the phone about getting clarity on anything newsletter-related, reply directly to this email to set up a 30-minute call with me. :-)

A few things I've been saving for you guys...

[More below:]