dream job

how much does a sink full of dishes weigh?
eternal clutter
a home exalted to the highest degree of clutter
crushing pressure
make things special
make the house a home
cleanliness, godliness
teach these magical banshees everything they need to know...
grammar, manners, music, reading, but also
a love for all humankind
how can i?
God is more than even I know
and i don't think humankind even knows i'm here
if i don't teach them everything, 
i will have failed them
"home centered church supported" feels like 
one extra pound per square inch
i feel swallowed whole
by benevolent patriarchy
"we're here for you"
there is only one who must keep a 24/7 mental inventory of
the loveys – are they washed and dried by 8:00? –
and the tylenol 
and the book fair
and whose turn it is to sit in the middle
and the whole pantry
so that you don't overspend at the grocery
where someone is sure to point out how full your hands are
and also 
once you've finished the art projects and homemade meals that "taste too green,"
don't forget to look beautiful at all times!!!
and be skinny!!!
and document all of the above with photo evidence, 
neatly fed into a grid
and don't forget to print the photos too
for the children to be able to look back 
on the good old days when their mom never came close to doing enough
or doing it right
or being nice enough
or being patient enough
or serving others enough
don't forget the feminism
don't forget gratitude and wonder and good manners
oh and please also have a side hustle that makes you more interesting and earns a few thousand dollars a year and represents your entire nonmother identity 
but don't you dare ever complain
don't ask for help
no one will do it right
you handpicked this
it's your bouquet
how much does a maxed out mom weigh